i am starting an outpatient ED program tomarrow and im really scared.  it is mon-fri from 8 am to 3 pm.  a lot more therapy than im used to.

anyway i have a question...  for anyone who has been in a program like this,

was everyone really skinny?  or were there many different sizes?  were there heavy people?  people with binge eating disorder?

i just want to know before i get there so im not panicked when i find out all at once what it is like.

im really not sure if im ready for this yet  :(

if im not 100 % ready and willing to get better, should i even be going?  what if im wasting their time and putting my girlfriend through a rough time for nothing?

 

So,.. I have been doing so well recently, but have been 'thrown' by Xmas - wondering how many others have had a similar experience? I have in the past month or so truely sought recovery after 17 0r so years of torturing myself, my body and my mind, & yet today despite my best intentions found myself resorting to horrible old habits, I'm Hoping it's merely a glitch in my road? ... Because I am very focussed (well I'd thought I was - even coming to terms w my nutritionists 3 meals a day rule) .... It's harder than I thought :-(

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Question about recovery from anorexia with purging tendencies

( Cut Just In Case it's Triggering. )

"There is nothing that competes with habit; And I know it's neither deep nor tragic; It's simply that you have to have it"

hi all,

i wonder if anyone else has similar struggles or has experienced the same, and could offer some advice.

i tend to think of eating as very numeric, or quantitatively - in terms of my meals, i find i still 'count' the number of things i eat each day, or the number of times i eat each day, and that's hard to break away from. oddly enough i don't worry about calories, nor do i weigh myself habitually - but i DO seem to stress out and think too much about how many items i eat for example, in one meal, or how many times i eat during one day.

can you all offer ideas/advice on how to break away from this? how to deal/cope with this?
Is there even any such thing as eating too many times a day? I mean, I don't think it's even POSSIBLE to eat like, 20 times a day right? I don't know...sorry if this is sounding confusing...but I notice I'm scared about / worried about eating too many times, this is why I allow myself to be hungrier during the day and then at night its a problem as I'm much too hungry by then.

Hello chaps.

I am really scared of Christmas. I've gained weight this year due to some contraception and I am trying, very hard, to not care. I have suffered from bulimia for almost ten years, now. I've never been in treatment for it though have been in treatment for BDD. It comes and goes- it was hardcore for a year or so, then I revert back for periods, not intentionally, just, it seems, when I am stressed or depressed.

I am stressed about things and I am hating my body with a passion.

I am stressed about stupid stuff and I hope you don't mind me venting about it here.

I am stressed about Christmas and all the food. I want to be normal, I want to be healthy and I have been trying but I can see my belly, I know I am medically overweight, it scares me.

My boyfriend kissed me yesterday and smelled the sick. My heart almost froze. I have these lies I tell him and he sees right through them.

I feel like my ugly and fat appearance makes me a kind of jester and fool. And stupidly (really stupidly, I am aware of this), I am jealous of my ex's new girlfriend. My ex and his girlfriend are both brilliant people, but she is so slim, so utterly beautiful that I wonder if people are laughing at me, laughing at how fat and ugly and mad I am, how lucky he is not to be with me anymore, how I didn't deserve him or anyone else in the first place. I seem to have lost a lot of friends this year and it has made me question my entire worth. I feel worthless a lot of the time.

I know that is irrational and ridiculous but it's how I feel.

My boyfriend cooks for me. Healthy, nutritious stuff- partly to get me to eat. I don't want to go back to the miserable life of throwing up. I am slipping back into it. I keep feeling like a total fraud because I am medically overweight. I wasn't until recently. I feel like nobody would believe me if I asked for help, and that i'm not that bad anyway.

I am just scared and I don't want to feel like this anymore.

Anyone read the book "Skinny" by Ibi Kaslik? I just finished it and I found some of it triggering but for the most part I found it a little "out there". While I have a very severe eating disorder, the girl in the book seemed to be struggling with something almost schizophrenic. However, this may just be a thought I'm having because I don't have a person in my head I talk to? I've heard of that and I understand that. This girl's "person" materialized though. Like she could see her and describe her clothes and would touch her and stuff. Has anyone else experienced this in their eating disorder or is this part of the fictional aspects of the book to make it more "real"

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